Answer These 12 Questions To See You If Youre A True American Patriot

Patriotism is defined as love for or devotion to ones country. In todays America, the term patriot has been hijacked by right-wing conservative nutjobs who think their bigoted 19th century ideologies are what makes a person a patriot.

This simple 12 question test will tell you if you qualify as one of todays true patriots by those standards.

1. Do you Hate the President and feel the need to include his middle name, Hussein, every time you talk about him?

Answer yes if your reasons for hating him are because he broke the constitution, lied about Benghazi, spent more taxpayer money on golf than Reagan did on anything, was born in Kenya, supports terrorists or hates America, but certainly not because hes black.

2. Do you support our troops? Not just support them, but really, really support them?

Answer yes if you believe those who volunteer are the grooviest, regardless of their actions, unless the President traded some prisoners for them in which case they suck.

3. Do you believe tax breaks for the wealthy and corporations are the answer to all of our economic problems?

Answer yes if you have no understanding of economics and have been living under a rock for the last thirty years while those policies have choked the middle class and destroyed the American dream.

4. Do you think the taxes withheld from your paycheck go directly to the EBT cards of lazy people?

Answer yes if you think everyone should just go get a job, regardless of their socioeconomic situation, health conditions, retirement status or the fact that theyre 7 years old. You should also believe that people on public assistance are living better than you on their $6 per day worth of food stamps.

5. Do you believe the constitution should be strictly adhered to, no matter what?

Answer yes if you believe the 2nd amendment is under siege, dont understand that the language of the 14th amendment supersedes the 10th, and feel the 1st is peachy as long as we can establish Christianity as the national religion. You should also be unaware that article 3 section 2 establishes a Supreme Courts authority over all cases in law and equity arising under the constitution, unless theyre finding in favor of Jesus or Citizens United.

6. Do you believe your right to bear arms was granted by God himself?

Answer yes if you think God wants law-abiding citizens to have arsenals handy in case they need to shoot at federal agents, protect our childrens schools with deadly weapons and safeguard the public from bad guys by carrying assault rifles through Home Depot.

7. Do you believe youre not a racist?

Answer yes if you think black people should be more like white people and Latinos should all be deported, regardless of where they were born. You should also believe that every single person of color that isnt the one you know or the registered Republicans you read about are on welfare and are currently working on having 11 more children so they can stay that way. This has nothing to do with skin-color or bigotry, its simply whats good for the country.

8. Are you pro-life?

Answer yes if you believe all life is sacred with the exception of death row inmates, all Muslims, anyone you feel the need to shoot because youve deemed them a threat to your family or country and Barack Hussein Obama, who should be stoned to death for treason. You should also believe that life begins at conception without understanding that 40% of fertilized eggs never attach to the uterine wall, making 4 out of 10 abortions Gods fault.

9. Do you think climate change is a leftist hoax?

Answer yes if youve decided the only reason climate change is an issue is to make Al Gore rich and provide job security for 98% of the worlds scientists. You always take notice when its cold outside but decide to forget the issue between the months of June and October.

10. Do you support school prayer?

Answer yes if nobody has told you that your children are more than welcome to pray in school whenever they like and that if you depend on public officials to instill spirituality and morality in your children that youre a failure as a parent.

11. Do have a hard time telling the difference between there, their, and theyre?

Answer yes if one of youre favorite arguments is telling people how informeded and edumacated you are, but that your not very concerned about things like grammer and, spelling.

12. Is your default argument never forget Benghazi?

Answer yes if you dont care that both chambers of congress found no wrongdoing on the part of the administration, that there was no stand down order, that the president called the attack acts of terror hours later in the Rose Garden and that the CIA was there in under 30 minutes to rescue the bulk of the occupants of the building. Hillary Clinton said what difference does it make, therefore…BENGHAZI!

If you answered yes to any of these questions, congratulations:

Your a Patriot!

You should run right out and buy 2 Gadsden flags, one to fly over your house and another to tie to the roll bar of your Jeep. Youll also need 30 American flags to strategically place around your property, wrap yourself in for photo ops and sneak up the flagpoles of unwitting neighbors who fly a flag they may be proud of.

Your Nobama bumper sticker is on its way.

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  • Phorie

    Your a Patriot! My what is a patriot? (See your question 11 if youre interested.)

    • Rick Flash

      Its called humor, Phorie.

      • Phorie

        I was thinking of the irony angle …

  • David Bailey

    What?? Nothing about the blessed St. Ronnie? How can that be?

    • c-bass

      #1: …spent more taxpayer money on golf than Reagan did on anything…

  • c-bass

    i hope the closing YOUR is for mocking the usual teabagger spelling of youre…

    • Rick Flash

      It is indeed!

      • runnerrunner

        Sure it is.Wink,wink.

    • runnerrunner

      Project much??? I think thats Alinsky rule # 3,right?

  • SgtCedar

    Oops, I guess I fail the test.

    • zoey2012

      Yeah, I failed the grammar part!

  • Gregg Brennan

    Sadly I know quite a few people who would pass this test. Sadder still, their (or sometimes there) in my own family.

    • JaneB3

      Think you meant theyre or they are. Just trying to help.

      • Gregg Brennan

        Think you missed the whole point of my comment. Go back and read it again. Just trying to help.

  • Michael Smith

    Semi-intelligently written by a minor troll with a major superiority complex.

    • Steve Reynolds

      Congrats Michael Smith: Your A Patriot!

  • runnerrunner

    More honest headline…..How intellectually dishonest are these questions???

  • runnerrunner

    This entire statement is a complete lie…..Answer yes if you dont care that both chambers of congress found no wrongdoing on the part of the administration(LIE) that there was no stand down order,(LIE) that the president called the attack acts of terror hours later in the Rose Garden(LIE) and that the CIA was there in under 30 minutes to rescue the bulk of the occupants of the building(LIE). Hillary Clinton said what difference does it make,(TRUTH) therefore…BENGHAZI

    • Chuck

      You may want to look into that a little more. Youve been LIED to.

      • runnerrunner

        Whats up Chuck,I posted relevant Congresstional hearings and the Rose Garden speech.This site took them down.I guess truth is to much for this site.
        I explained in details with video proof.Watch the hearngs and the speech and
        well talk.

        • Chuck

          I dont know what Rose Garden speech you saw but he did call it an act of terrorism. The only people that dont know this are Fox News viewers. This is what tripped Romney up in the debate. He tried to use this and Obama might as well have dropped the mic on him. He really did say it. The Republican led investigation found no wrongdoing in Benghazi, there was no stand down order. And when Hillary said what difference does it make,, she was referring to terrorists not needing a reason to do what they do. They were going to do it anyway so what difference does it make when they say why they did it. As far as it being over a video its still being debated but I can see it. As good a reason as any for a terrorist.

          • runnerrunner

            Youre wrong Chuck.He called it an attack 3 times,never once an act of terror.3 times he said.the attackers (not terrorists) would brought to Justice.Till this day,no arrests.Near the end of uninspriational speech,he said in general terms(and he knew the difference) The world will not except terrorism,which ofcourse means nothing.
            The Congressional investigation has been stoned walled from the start,its still going on.
            BTW…The troops that went to save the remaining Americans said with thier own mouths.That they went against stand down orders.
            The Admin.will not let these men testify before Congress.
            I know youre saying to yourself,but they would be prosecuted.
            Not so much in this admin.Its more important to keep a lid on the whole thing.
            As far as Susan Rice staight out lying about a video as part of this plan.That is not up for debate.That happened.
            I guess the world you live in you except your so called leaders to lie to you.I also truly believe liberals think if they tell a lie enough,it become true.

          • runnerrunner

            Chuck,Do you believe Harry Ried should be sancationed for lying on
            the Senate floor about Romney not paying taxes for 7 yrs.?
            He admitted he made it up yesterday.

          • Chuck

            Sure. If youll agree that all the Republicans that said there were death panels in the ACA should be sanctioned. And I didnt see anything about Reid admitting he lied. All the sources I saw were blogs. Please tell me you dont get all your news from blogs.

          • runnerrunner

            I assume you watched the speech and realized I was 100 % correct.
            And Im sure you now know the hearings go on….Thx
            About Harry Reid,Are you reffering to the time Senate Majority Leader Salin Palin,said there would be rationing built into Obamacare on the Senate floor?No,no youre not.
            Was if even debated on the floor?Obamacare passed with bribes,threats and lies.Lets not forget the House Majority Leader saying and meaning We have to pass the bill,Obamacare,to see whats in it.
            If you truly believe that lower Docotor wages,more patients and increased cost and regs wont, by design,lead to rationing,youre not paying attention.
            And ofcourse there is a difference between policy questions and making up lies out of whole cloth.Im sure youve seen the disgraceful Dana Bash,cnn interview by now.
            Funny how I mentioned I tried to post congressional hearings and a Rose Garden speech and you accuse me of getting my info from opinion blogs.
            I hope Im not being to blunt,I enjoy the discussion and I beleve
            we may be able to teach each other something.
            One more thing.Did you believe him when he said it?
            Maybe youre not a political junkie like me and didnt even know it happened.No shame in that, most people didnt know, probably still dont.

          • Janice Adams

            When you are delusional you dont know that you are delusional. Sad but true.

          • runnerrunner

            Youve convinced me,with your fact based agruments,critical thinking and logical reasoning….Oh wait,all you did was name call.
            I give you facts and proof,you name call.
            Yea Im the delusionai one.

          • Janice Adams

            I was merely pointing out a fact. Nobody who is delusional knows they are delusional. That is factual information. If you decide that applies to you, that is your choice. I am not responsible for your choices.

          • runnerrunner

            Really.. Nobody who is delusional knows they are delusional.As with most liberal facts,therere not really facts.Just a feeing that should be true.
            You telling me every single documented case of delusiontions the person didnt know they were living in a fantasy world???
            Ever hear of Timothy Leary,just one case to prove your fact wrong.
            So stop being dishonest(I realize thats really hard when you have to lie to yourself all the time,about supporting killing babies) and say what you mean.Which I assume is..That anyone that doesnt agree with your world view is delusional….How fascist of you.

          • Bob Huntsman

            Facts? Proof?? All I saw was FAUX Noise Bullshit spin!!
            Go somewhere else, worthless, lying Troll!!

          • JaneB3

            Your grammar and spelling are atrocious. Sarah Palin was never the Senate Majority Leader, and Im sure anything she might have said is without merit and basis. The Congressional hearings you keep referring to are a method by which committees collect , review, and analyze information. A Congressional hearing is not a trial, its an investigation. Perhaps if you watched less of Faux news, researched, fact checked, and read fewer blog opinions, your posts would be more relevant.

          • JaneB3

            Romney stashes money in the Cayman Islands for which he doesnt pay taxes.

          • jsjca

            You are trying to prove a negative. Just because you did
            not hear Obama say terrorist does not mean he did not say it. The Right wing always makes much ado about nothing re Obama. What difference does it make anyway? FDR and Americans referred to the Pearl Harbor Attack Nobody said
            terrorists and nobody cared.

      • terfull

        By MSNBC, Obama, and the DNC.

    • Janice Adams

      Earlier I read an article on the difference between Ted Cruz lying and being delusional. He is delusional. That is the good news. The bad news: You are choosing to be delusional too.

      • runnerrunner

        All thru history big government has failed and cost millions and millions and millions of lives.To not see that is much more then delusion,its evil.

        • jsjca

          Big government did not fail with WWI and WW!! and the Great Depression,etc

        • jsjca

          The U S big government has accomplished many things including Settling the West, Funding Railroads, Telephone
          Infrastructure, Interstate Highway Program, Rural Electrification, Ended slavery, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, The U.S. Armed Forces, G.I. Bill, Medicare, National Parks, Securities and Exchange Commission, WW I,
          WWII, Great Depression and many, many more.

      • runnerrunner

        btw..again no fact just feelings.Most of the time you can get away with your simple crap on far left sites….But Ill be checking in to give real facts on this one.

    • Bob Huntsman

      Somebodys cable box is stuck on FAUX, it appears. . .

  • runnerrunner

    Hey Topher,Why do you live as far as possible from the utopia youre helping to create?????
    Could it be standard of living???
    So Repubilicans are racist,stupid,inbreds,that youve decided to live amoung????
    If the area you live in now became what you promote,Youd move.
    Wake up man.youre an embarrassement.

    • andrea

      You should learn proper English. It will help you get your point across better.

  • karensc

    I guess Im not a true American Patriot according to teabagger rules.

  • Whats-Best-For-The-Country

    True story: I worked with a woman that said out loud at Christmas…can you believe that man is going to Hawaii for Christmas? I said..well he is from Hawaii. Everyone goes back home at Christmas…and then I realized and asked…you do realize that Hawaii is a state as in the United States of America. Its not a country.

  • Florence Delgado

    Twelve good jokes !!!!!

  • Hammerogod

    Heh…well that was easy.
    I went 12/12.

    Now you ****, ******* and ******** get the **** off my lawn.

    (Asterisks proudly provided by the NRA)

  • Spawn_of_Santa

    If this was supposed to be funny, it fell flat. SNL in the 90s flat. it was just stupid and divisive. Stop it.

    • Joe Knowles

      Sounds like somebody passed the test.

  • zoey2012

    Congrats! Youre a patriot!!

  • JimmKnows

    Dont need to take a very biased leftist test to know that I am a patriot.

  • andrea

    You forgot to work in Get A Brain, Morans, somehow but otherwise brilliant! <3

  • Bob Huntsman

    per Bill Engvall: Heres your sign!!

  • jsjca

    The Republicans in Congress can subpoena witnesses if they want.

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